Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
