I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
