His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
