By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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