for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
why do cheetos always look like penises
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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