Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
