I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
