So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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