Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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