didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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