when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
