I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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