what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This is the high leading the old right now
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
