Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
