I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize