thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
