Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
