here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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