you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
