Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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