Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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