I murdered the dance floor call the cops
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
