Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize