I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
