My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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