i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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