its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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