But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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