I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
