I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
...so i touched it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
