if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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