it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I currently don't understand fingers.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize