it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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