Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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