Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
