I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
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