Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
