she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
