Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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