I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
