I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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