whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
