Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
