Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
