Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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