His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize