Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
