I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
