i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
