did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
they're like a gay fantastic four
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
