Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
