I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
