I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm really busy with my period
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