I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize