i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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