Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
