I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
