What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
