so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
