2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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