i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
