I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
