I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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