I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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