Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
