wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
