A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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