I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
