Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Can I color on your dick again?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
