Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
