BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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