Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
