before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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