i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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