I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
