I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The adults are the big ones right?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
