chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
