Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
