It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
