I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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