All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
