sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
