just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You smell like a Billy Joel song
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize