I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
