Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
