I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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