I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
