dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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