Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
