Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
