I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
