kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
