i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize