you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
