Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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