You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
