I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
