She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
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