forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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