Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i drank out of a bidet.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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