she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
