Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
