He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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