Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
