If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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