so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
