wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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