How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
