Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize