Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
