Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
