You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
