My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
